hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
