He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
