I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
