we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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