oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
