Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
