I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
