I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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