They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
