I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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