i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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