Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
