I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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