i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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