whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm passing your future prison.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
