someone get that fucking seahorse.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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