Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
