Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
if only i could text you this smell
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
