I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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