The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
