I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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