I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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