i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
