i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
