when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
