so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
