i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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