Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
