i jhust puked up my retainher.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
