last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
