I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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