I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
