I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
