dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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