break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
