When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
