you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
