his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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