My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
