I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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