So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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