I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
