the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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