now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Can you bring me the toilet please
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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