Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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