So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
