Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
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