Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
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