my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
