He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
