$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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