He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
